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Subject: A Proposal to Name Air Force Planes After Ships from “Battlestar Galactica”


My name is Dwight Schrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager at Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch, beet farmer, and volunteer sheriff’s deputy. I write to you today with a matter of the utmost importance and urgency. It has come to my attention that the United States Air Force has been naming its planes in a manner that could be significantly improved for both morale and effectiveness. How, you ask? By naming all Air Force planes after ships from the universally acknowledged brilliant science fiction television series, “Battlestar Galactica.”

Allow me to elaborate on the multi-faceted advantages of such a strategy:

1. Boosting Morale

Naming our planes after iconic vessels like the “Galactica,” “Pegasus,” and “Columbia” would lift the spirits of our pilots and military personnel. These names come from a show that embodies the very essence of courage, leadership, and the survival of humanity against all odds—a perfect metaphor for what our armed forces represent.

2. Intimidation

Imagine the sheer terror in the hearts of our enemies when they hear that they are being engaged by a squadron of Vipers and Raptors. This would provide a psychological edge in combat situations, making the enemy second-guess their capabilities against the might of a Battlestar fleet.

3. Cultural Relevance

The names of ships in “Battlestar Galactica” are already well-known to many Americans. This strategy would capitalize on existing cultural capital, creating a stronger emotional connection between citizens and the military. Who wouldn’t feel a surge of patriotic pride upon hearing that the “Galactica” just led a successful mission?

4. Educational Incentive

Let’s face it, not everyone is well-versed in military history or aeronautical engineering. However, renaming our fleet with these popular names could spark public interest in military activities and aircraft design, encouraging educational pursuits in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM).

5. Internal Cohesion

Finally, using a uniform naming convention inspired by a series known for its strong sense of community and teamwork can only serve to enhance the sense of unity and shared purpose within the Air Force.

In conclusion, naming our Air Force planes after ships from “Battlestar Galactica” would not merely be a cosmetic change but a powerful strategy to bolster morale, intimidate adversaries, engage the public, stimulate education, and enhance team cohesion. Therefore, I urge you to pass legislation to make this vision a reality.

Thank you for your consideration. May your decisions be guided by the wisdom of Admiral William Adama and the courage of Starbuck.

Yours faithfully,

Dwight K. Schrute
Assistant to the Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch
Owner, Schrute Farms
Volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy

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